I recently received a text from a friend who wondered if I ever got tired of the strange looks and comments that people make about homeschooling. She wanted to know if they would ever stop doubting and start believing that you weren’t ruining your kids. Short answer: Yes and No but then Yes.
That’s a big question and the answer will be different for everyone but I shared my thoughts with her.
I was lucky that most people close to me were respectful of our decision to homeschool even if they didn’t approve. I was lucky never to be rudely challenged.
People would tease the kids about how they liked their teacher (which got old) and I would tease relatives when they were obviously quizzing the kids by announcing that they were the substitute teacher for that subject for the day.
I can only think of one person who gossiped about my decision to homeschool in a disapproving way to others in the neighborhood. She’s known as a busy-body so I didn’t worry about it.
Some family members worried to each other when the kids were little that they would turn out weird or backwards. Those family members see now that homeschooling was fine and in some cases might have been better than public schooling was for their own children in many ways.
When people asked questions about homeschooling, I got good at being able to gauge their general attitude and would respond accordingly. You’ll never convince some people that homeschooling is a good thing so I didn’t bother trying. I could tell whether someone was genuinely curious, disdainful or just making conversation.
If they were genuinely curious, I would answer their question with a little more detail. I would highlight the great parts about it and admit the challenges.
When a person was just making conversation to be polite, I didn’t bore them with details but just gave a general, usually postive but brief answer and then changed the subject to something interesting to both of us.
If the person was disapproving, I tended to give a brief answer that emphasized one of the benefits over public school like not having to wait around for everyone else to finish their work to move on to the next thing or how boring and inadequate textbooks are at covering a subject. Sometimes I would talk about how standardized testing has ruined education and doesn’t allow teachers to actually teach. No one has ever disagreed with these points.
I realized very early on that socialization is the number one concern of most people and also a non-issue in reality. I had a variety of answers to this question that tended to satisfy people even though I didn’t consider them critical to my children’s social development.
“School isn’t the only place or best place for kids to learn how to socialize.”
“They’re involved in activities.”
“We have a neighborhood full of kids”
“They get together with other homeschoolers.” (This one is met with mixed reviews as the hardcore anti-homeschooler won’t think other homeschoolers can provide appropriate socialization because they’re also isolated and weird).
“We go on field trips all the time.”
“They participate in summer programs and activities with conventionally-schooled kids”
You get the idea.
I was lucky that I realized very early on that there were so many surprising benefits to homeschooling that I felt confident that the kids would come out on the other side just fine. I lost the desire to prove to anyone that it was a great thing.
I accepted that some people would never think it was a good idea, I just let go of the responsibility of convincing them otherwise.
If you’re looking for more support, you might be interested in joining the Private Member community. Although most of the forums are dedicated to PA homeschool law issues, there is a general discussion board for questions and issues not related to the law.
The regular price of the private member area is $49 per year. Now through November 30, 2016 you can purchase a 7 month membership for just $20. (This special membership expires June 30, 2017). This is a great way to watch the video tutorials and ask my anything about the Pennsylvania homeschool law or my experience homeschooling, in general.
To learn more about the benefits of private membership, click on this link and enter the coupon code “CYBER16” on the checkout page to receive the limited time discount.